Reasons Why the Ducks Deserve a Blog

I am sure most readers of the blog right now are asking themselves one question and that is "why". Here's the probable chain of thought:  Why does a 22 year old college senior take the time to blog about a movie made 14 years ago, Why D2, I liked D3, Why isn't he out looking for a job right now, I bet he doesn't have a girlfriend. Well to answer those questions: 

•I'm doing this for a class and I love this movie 

•D2 is and forever will be better than D3 

•The job market sucks right now

•I got one

(Me-4, Dissenters-0)

Don't worry, you don't have to be a superfan to enjoy this blog, I'm a people pleaser so I'll try to keep the content universally enjoyable. Now on to...

REASONS WHY THE MIGHTY DUCKS DESERVE THEIR OWN BLOG

REASON #1- THEY DEFY NEWTONIAN PHYSICS

Since Isaac Newton published his now infamous 3 Laws of Motion over 400 years ago, they have been looked at as some of the most respected ideas science has given us. They are viewed as set in stone, on at least on earth, and it's kind of hard to argue that point.

However, a few members of the Mighty Ducks thought it would be fun to give good ol' Isaac the finger and make their own rules (probably because they were invented by some old guy who didn't understand the young people).  

"Damn kids and their rap music."

Isaac Newton

Take Newton's First law, the law of inertia, which basically says if something is at rest or moving it takes something more forceful than them to go or stop. Well, being the leader of the Ducks (and teacher's pet of Coach Bombay) Charlie Conway said to hell with that. As he was rounding up his fellow ducks across the city of Minneapolis, Charlie and gang causally slalomed onto a road construction site. Seeing this as better place than ever to do this, Charlie looked behind him excitedly, when out in front of him pulls up a damn boom lift.

  

Shit

Normally when a kid sees he's on a collision course with 2 tons of shit your pants, the normal action would be to, well, shit your pants. This is all because of that jerk Newton, because according to his first "suggestion" as we will now call it, a teenager doesn't have enough downward force to change his forward inertia and jump over the cherrypicker. Oh not Charlie. With no ramp whatsoever, Charlie clears the neck of the lift better than any Olympic hurdler who's not on steroids. I'm cashing in my bet Charlie might honestly also be a jedi.

Missing from photo: gravity

REASON #2- THEY CAN CAUSE A COUNTRY'S COLLAPSE

Like every great sports movie, D2 features the really good team who just plain suck as people. Now like everybody else I initially felt this should go to Canada, but Walt Disney threw us a curveball when Iceland stepped onto the ice. However after seeing them on the ice for five minutes, I understood why they deserved to be at the top.  

Actual Team Iceland Tryouts

Now obviously the Ducks (only after shedding those pesky Team USA uniforms) sent those damn vikings home with their heads and shields hanging. 

Now what you have to understand is that Iceland really is only known for Vikings and having not one pronounceable city. So the fact that they were very likely to win the Junior Goodwill Games was probably more than enough to brighten the entire country's spirits. WRONG. Everyone knows if there is one thing Icelanders seem to hate more than warmth, its silver (I think). 

If you haven't been reading the news as of late, Iceland isn't doing so well. And by isn't doing so well, I mean it has absolutely collapsed. To the point that CNN titled one of its articles "Icelandic Government Fails...". 

Now one might attribute this to the fact that their government sucks, but I'm not going to join those people. What I know is happening is that the unbelievable ass-kicking the Iceland team got 14 years ago is now starting to show its true effect on the country's psyche. 

REASON #3- KNUCKLE PUCK

Enough said...

Kenan Thompson - Knuckle Puck
Uploaded by joecool85

I honestly believe that if you watch this enough times,

your head will simply explode.