Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Flying V....awesome

What do Gordon Bombay and Darrell K. Royal have in common? They are both responsible for developing a new, revolutionary and for lack of a better word shit kicking offense style. For anyone who might be asking what is this guy talking about I'm talking about the none other than the Flying V. Not only was this named after a flock of ducks migratory formation, but I like to think Bombay took at least part of the name from his favorite Gibson Guitar.


Badass

Why It Worked
Aside from the fact that the play looks like something that should be seen on NFL Blitz, when the Flying V was first introduced, it was so revolutionary and original that every person in that rink minus the Ducks mistook Bombay for the second coming of Christ, they weren't far off.

The play essentially made EVERYONE on the ice a potential scorer. By passing the puck intermittently among the five players making the V, the opponents defense might as well just hiked up a chair and enjoyed the show because that son of a bitch was going into the goal.

The formation is comparable to that of the recently banned a-11 formation in football. However since the powers that be that govern over hockey actually have a pair, this formation will never be outlawed due to it being "unsportsmanlike".

Why It Didn't Work
Far be it from me to point out ANY flaws in Bombay's coaching style, however there were some damn apparent problems with the Flying V. First of all, much like a college basketball coach who constantly runs a full court press, Bombay didn't realize that defense is in fact kind of important in the game of hockey. This is fully pointed out when the Ducks run the V on Iceland (keep in mind, physically, this is like a 7th grade Defensive line going against the TCU D-Line, go frogs).

Above team's combined weight, 540 lbs.
Below team's combined weight, 900 lbs.
Yep this should work

Now if you had a good goalie, this might not be the biggest problem since he might be able to actually stop the puck. However, while he might kick ass against every other team, good ol' Goldberg had about a 2% saving probability if the puck was shot by anyone from the Iceland team, so much like the Spartans in 300, if you broke the line you were screwed.

However I will say the success rate of the Flying V was around 99% so, in the end it is still the play that I think we should see in the NHL more often.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Values that the Ducks taught me Part 1

The present day is a time where people seem to identify themselves through their values more than ever. Is abortion immoral? Is war the answer? Why do people still like Nickelback? The answers to questions like these seem to create at least a certain amount of what makes you an individual. Since I really haven't been able to figure out my own values for myself, I turn to the media to figure them out for me (which is why I still can't answer that damn Nickleback question). As a child, I decided to take most of my values from D2.

Truly, Truly Awful
For example, values like:

PATRIOTISM
"In Bombay I Trust."

International competition always will cause the patriot bug to bite my ass and make me wave the American Flag (but it will never make me like Toby Keith). It's a time when true American heroes are born and a little bit of faith and unity is restored to this awesome land we like to call America. 


Pictured: American Hero

However, when we enter the realm of Junior International Competition, well I can't be responsible for the red, white and blue fireworks that might shoot out my ass. The Mighty Ducks entered the Junior Goodwill games by taking on Trinidad and Tobago, a matchup that would be similar to my little sister vs Lebron James. After "making a statement..." with those pesky trinidadians(?), the Ducks beat the hell out of any team they faced (Germany AND Italy, its like a kiddy World War 2!!). And it is only after having their asses supremely handed to them by the Icelandic team do they realize that sometimes America really has to work for its victories, especially against Iceland, who I like to think is the fourth member of the Axis of Evil. Well after having a deep look within themselves and learning that Iceland's whaling industry is huge, the Ducks got pissed enough to beat the team that embarrassed them earlier. 

 
Team Iceland's favorite movie

But (SPOILER ALERT) the Ducks win and bring home the freaking Gold!! I'm pretty sure when I saw that scene I wanted to join the army there at age 8. It is at this moment I decided probably every country could never be as good as the good ol' US of A!!!

Also at the end when Julie the Cat says "nice try" to Gunner Stahl after he just lost the game and fucked his country's chance of NOT falling into obscurity, was she just being a bitch or a really good sport? My vote is both.

"Nice try, but seriously you just got beat by a girl with no experience"
Julie "The Cat"

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Reasons Why the Ducks Deserve a Blog

I am sure most readers of the blog right now are asking themselves one question and that is "why". Here's the probable chain of thought:  Why does a 22 year old college senior take the time to blog about a movie made 14 years ago, Why D2, I liked D3, Why isn't he out looking for a job right now, I bet he doesn't have a girlfriend. Well to answer those questions: 

•I'm doing this for a class and I love this movie 
•D2 is and forever will be better than D3 
•The job market sucks right now
•I got one
(Me-4, Dissenters-0)

Don't worry, you don't have to be a superfan to enjoy this blog, I'm a people pleaser so I'll try to keep the content universally enjoyable. Now on to...

REASONS WHY THE MIGHTY DUCKS DESERVE THEIR OWN BLOG

REASON #1- THEY DEFY NEWTONIAN PHYSICS

Since Isaac Newton published his now infamous 3 Laws of Motion over 400 years ago, they have been looked at as some of the most respected ideas science has given us. They are viewed as set in stone, on at least on earth, and it's kind of hard to argue that point.

However, a few members of the Mighty Ducks thought it would be fun to give good ol' Isaac the finger and make their own rules (probably because they were invented by some old guy who didn't understand the young people).  


"Damn kids and their rap music."
Isaac Newton

Take Newton's First law, the law of inertia, which basically says if something is at rest or moving it takes something more forceful than them to go or stop. Well, being the leader of the Ducks (and teacher's pet of Coach Bombay) Charlie Conway said to hell with that. As he was rounding up his fellow ducks across the city of Minneapolis, Charlie and gang causally slalomed onto a road construction site. Seeing this as better place than ever to do this, Charlie looked behind him excitedly, when out in front of him pulls up a damn boom lift.

  
Shit

Normally when a kid sees he's on a collision course with 2 tons of shit your pants, the normal action would be to, well, shit your pants. This is all because of that jerk Newton, because according to his first "suggestion" as we will now call it, a teenager doesn't have enough downward force to change his forward inertia and jump over the cherrypicker. Oh not Charlie. With no ramp whatsoever, Charlie clears the neck of the lift better than any Olympic hurdler who's not on steroids. I'm cashing in my bet Charlie might honestly also be a jedi.


Missing from photo: gravity


REASON #2- THEY CAN CAUSE A COUNTRY'S COLLAPSE

Like every great sports movie, D2 features the really good team who just plain suck as people. Now like everybody else I initially felt this should go to Canada, but Walt Disney threw us a curveball when Iceland stepped onto the ice. However after seeing them on the ice for five minutes, I understood why they deserved to be at the top.  

Actual Team Iceland Tryouts

Now obviously the Ducks (only after shedding those pesky Team USA uniforms) sent those damn vikings home with their heads and shields hanging. 

Now what you have to understand is that Iceland really is only known for Vikings and having not one pronounceable city. So the fact that they were very likely to win the Junior Goodwill Games was probably more than enough to brighten the entire country's spirits. WRONG. Everyone knows if there is one thing Icelanders seem to hate more than warmth, its silver (I think). 

If you haven't been reading the news as of late, Iceland isn't doing so well. And by isn't doing so well, I mean it has absolutely collapsed. To the point that CNN titled one of its articles "Icelandic Government Fails...". 

Now one might attribute this to the fact that their government sucks, but I'm not going to join those people. What I know is happening is that the unbelievable ass-kicking the Iceland team got 14 years ago is now starting to show its true effect on the country's psyche. 


REASON #3- KNUCKLE PUCK

Enough said...




I honestly believe that if you watch this enough times,
your head will simply explode.