Why Twilight Sucked

Now I know one factor for my final grade is consistency, but honestly with this subject I don't care. The overall suck produced by this movie is just too funny for me not write about so here it goes.

First of all, I enjoyed watching the hour of this movie that I did, but for a completely different reason than most people who enjoyed it, it was hilarious. What made it so funny?

1) Gaping Plot Holes

The inconsistencies provided in Twilight made me shake my head when I realized that girls I actually respect were able to see past these and swoon over Edward. 

First off, why the hell is a 100 year, 17 year old still in high school. I know it is to try to keep up normal appearances, but they kind of had that argument killed when they mysteriously disappear everyday it is sunny outside and based on the Cullen's overall demeanor.

What everyone in your family isn't pale, looks like they're 25 and only hangs out with each other?

After that you have to answer me why Edward was sleeping after he said he didn't sleep and why they hell was Bella focusing on the fact that Edward was really fast when he freaking stiff armed a car flying at them at at least 30 mph and why the crap did she fall in love with a guy who is A) creepy as hell B) incredibly stupid (he would talk about vampire stuff and couldn't give an answer when that weird point was called out, isn't over 100 years of vampiring going to give you some experience?) C) wayyyyyy overprotective and D) she went one ONE date with?

2) The Acting/Writing

Now far be it from me to question anybody's acting, I can't do it very well and know its a hard thing to do. However in a movie that made $8 Billion, I would expect the acting to surpass that of a coffee table. 

Pictured: Edward Cullen

"Bella! Guess who just asked me to prom. I totally thought Mike was gonna ask you, actually. Um, it's not gonna be weird though, right?"
"No, no. Zero weirdness. You guys are great together."
"I know, right?"

"I hate you for making me want you so much."

These are not lines written on a poor scoring AP English exam, oh no these are actual lines from Twilight. A movie based off a book! That means while the writers might have taken some liberties with the lines, they mostly had to stay with the book. I'm fairly sure the humans on Planet of the Apes said better lines (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, they were mute).

3) Vampire Baseball

You heard me, vampire baseball.

4) Having a girl try to legitimately explain how it makes sense.
Now if you are a guy, there is one rule in your Twilight watching experience, there needs to be at least one girl present in the room. This is first of all because it is a chick flick and secondly it makes it a lot more fun. Pretty much every argument ended with either "You guys just don't understand!" or "The book is so much better than the movie" the why the hell do you OWN THE MOVIE?!!